To Myself my Secrets Keep
by Welcome to my House of Mirrors
Summary: "Merlin," Gaius said slowly, turning the flower around in his hands, "this is narkotika, not somnium." And just like that, Merlin's life came crashing down. *Rated for drug addiction and mild-ish language*


**I'm sorry that the chapter is so short. I was in a hurry. And honestly, I just wanted to see if people liked it and thought I should continue. **

**Happy reading! =)**

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Merlin stared at the white, rose-like flower in his hand. He shifted his gaze to the white, rose-like flower in the ground before him. He looked at the flower in his hand again, and then back to the flower growing from the earth, frowning.

The two plants looked nearly identical. Except that somnium — the flower Gaius used for sleeping draughts — didn't usually grow in this part of the forest.

Still frowning, Merlin knelt and plucked the flower from the ground. He turned it this way and that, studying the soft white petals and the smooth green leaves. He held it up to his nose and inhaled. Then, setting the other flower on the ground, he pulled one of the petals off and placed it on his tongue.

"Whoa." The servant reeled as a wave of dizziness hit him. He didn't remember the sleeping draughts Gaius gave him being quite so potent. Then again, he'd never tried somnium raw.

Deciding that it was good enough, Merlin placed both flowers carefully in his bag and stood. He stumbled as another wave of vertigo struck, and laughed, a pleasant haziness settling in his mind.

He suddenly had all the energy in the world. He ran about to collect the rest of the herbs Gaius had sent him for, and when he had gotten them all, he set his pack down and kept running. He ran in circles, laughing and shouting. He grew brilliant orange and purple flowers with his magic and weaved them into his hair and clothes before throwing the rest into the air. He climbed the trees, swinging from their branches, letting himself drop and enjoying the swooping feeling in his stomach. He ran and laughed and played like a child, and still he had energy. Loads of it. Mountains of it. Rivers and lakes and oceans of it. And with the warm, pleasant clouding in his thoughts, he couldn't be happier.

"Oh," he exclaimed breathlessly, holding his arms out to the sides and letting himself fall onto the soft grass, "I love this!"

He closed his eyes, smiling, and enjoyed the feel of the sun on his skin, the soft breeze ruffling his hair, keeping perfectly still. Well, almost. He couldn't control the jiggling in his left leg. He still had so much energy, after all.

But soon the energy began to fade, leaving a pounding headache and a strong feeling of discontentment that bordered on irritation in its wake.

Merlin groaned, sitting up and putting a hand to his forehead.

"I need to go," he mumbled.

The trudge back to the castle was miserable. All of his happiness, all of his energy, _gone_. He wanted more of the somnium, but he knew that Gaius needed it, and the thought made his scowl furiously.

"Here," he muttered when he arrived at his and Gaius's chambers, dumping his pack on the table. The old physician raised an eyebrow, but Merlin ignored him.

"Did you get everything?" Gaius asked, opening the bag.

"Uh huh," Merlin replied. He had to restrain himself from snatching the bag back and taking the somnium for himself. He nearly failed when his uncle pulled the out the flower in question.

"Merlin," Gaius said slowly, turning the flower around in his hands, "this is narkotika, not somnium."

The servant frowned and sat up straighter. "What's… _narkotika?_"

"More commonly known as Devil Rose," Gaius explained. "A highly addictive and dangerous drug." The physician caught his ward's gaze and held it, his eyes deadly serious. "Merlin, you didn't ingest any part of this flower, did you?"

Merlin opened his mouth to say that he had, in fact, ingested a part of the flower. But then he thought about what would no doubt happen if he did. Gaius would never, _ever _let him use the somnium — narkotika, Devil Rose, whatever it was called — again.

"No," he lied. "I thought it was somnium. How do you know that it's not?"

Gaius flayed the flower a bit and held it out for Merlin to see. The young warlock noticed for the first time that the bases of the insides of the white petals were a deep blood red.

"Oh."

"Yes," the physician said, throwing the plant into the fire. Merlin had to stop himself from screaming in anger. "Be very careful to avoid it next time, Merlin. I wouldn't want to risk accidentally giving it to my patients."

"Yes, Gaius," the servant hissed through his teeth, turning and slamming into his room before Gaius could say a word.

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Merlin didn't sleep that night. He lay in bed thinking about and regretting his behaviour. He couldn't believe how incredibly _rude_ he'd been to Gaius. And over a _flower_. He swore to himself that he would never, never eat those petals again.

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The next morning found Merlin dead tired. He dragged himself into the main room and gave Gaius a tired smile, to which the physician replied with a cautious one that stirred guilt in the servant's stomach. Breakfast was a quiet event that morning.

As much as he tried to fight it, Merlin found himself getting irritable as he waited for Arthur's breakfast to be done. He snapped at one of the serving girls when she gave him the wrong wine — apologising immediately — threw an apple on the ground when it wasn't perfectly ripe — picking it up and dusting it off profusely — and cursed himself silly when he dropped the tray in the hallway. By the time he made it to Arthur's chambers, he was red faced and muttering and slammed the tray down with so much force that that alone woke Arthur from his slumber.

"_Mer_lin," Arthur grumbled sleepily, "what _are _you doing?"

"I believe that I'm bringing you your breakfast, _Sire_," the servant bit in a tone that sent the Prince, wide-eyed, into an upright position.

Merlin closed his eyes and rubbed at his temples. A tingling, itching, burning sensation was starting to creep from his fingertips up his arms into his mind and filling it with one word. _Narkotika_. He wanted it. He craved it. He yearned for it. He _needed_ it.

"Merlin, what's —?"

"I need to go." The younger man was already halfway out the door.

"Merlin." Arthur's voice was suddenly hard. "Come back." He wasn't asking. He was _ordering_.

"I need to go _now_!" Merlin shouted, something inside of him snapping. "Can't you manage to put your own goddamn clothes on for once in your life!"

Arthur gaped, his mind going blank with shock. It didn't matter anyway. Merlin was already gone.

Merlin practically tore the workshop apart looking for that flower before remembering that Gaius had burned it last night. This time he did scream.

He stormed through the forest, cursing everything in sight before he finally, finally found it.

The effect was instantaneous. A beautiful calm swept over him, followed by that undeniable burst of energy. He laughed as he remembered that he needed to clean up the workshop before Gaius came back. He ran all the way back to the castle.

The energy from the Devil Rose lasted all day that time. He whistled while he cleaned Arthur's armour, ignoring the looks that the Prince — who was being strangely quiet — was giving him. But by the time evening rolled around, the effects were wearing off.

And Merlin was wondering what he'd gotten himself into.

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**Tell me what you think.**


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